Be a Kid Again and Ask, "Why? Why? Why?..."

As we age (I know, not what we all want to acknowledge) we begin to rely on our experience. Fortunately, our experiences have kept us alive and thriving over the last “X” number of years. Unfortunately, this experience removes the natural curiosity we had as a kid, potentially blinding us from seeing this world as it presents itself to us. Our experience allows us to see “between the lines” and blocks us from being surprised by one’s actions. Yet, what happens when we can no longer surprise ourselves? Have we become stagnant? Well, that is possible, but there is an easy way to get out of that rut. Simply, be that annoying a kid again, and ask yourself “Why?” until you can’t go any further.

Why Ask Why?

Asking why leads to an open-ended answer that usually can not be expressed in a single word. Why takes time to think through. Often, why questions are loaded with background knowledge we must sort through. If we rush a why question, we either end up lying to ourselves, and others, or reinventing the story to quickly sum up days, weeks, even years of experience. So, asking why forces us to slow down, be honest with ourselves and others, and to acknowledge those unaddressed wounds we have been hiding.

Want to learn more about WHO questions or general introspection? Click the word.

The Power of Why

The power in asking why goes well beyond honesty, a forced reduction of speed, and healing wounds. The true power of why is in the relationship we build with ourselves. Our true mission in life reveals itself to us as time goes on, only if we ask why. As we understand ourselves better, we can see the patterns we want to change or grow. As we grow into the best person we can be, through understanding ourselves, we can help others by endlessly pursuing our why.

How Many Why’s Should I Ask?

If I were to give you a blanket statement, I would say five times. However, there are occasions 18 whys are required to get to the root of my reflections. Other times, it only takes three why’s. So, there is no recipe, however, there is a solution; ask yourself why until you can not answer any longer. That would be a great start!

How Do I Know If I Am Lying to Myself?

We are all stuck in our own lies and there is no way around that besides hitting it straight on! You must get real with yourself and build a checks-and-balances system. For myself, this is between my journaling, my daily actions, and my SMART goals. My SMART goals keep me on track, my actions are my daily intentions, and my journaling practice is the reflection that holds me accountable each day. Develop a system for yourself. This could be a calendar or this could be a vision board. There are lots of ways to work through your lies.

How to Begin Journaling with Why?

Journaling has been the best practice for me to sort through my lies and slap me in the face when I am BSing myself. I’ll admit, I tell myself that I am doing well in my diet… then I eat a box of Oreos. When I record in my journal “I ate a box of Oreos” and also try to write, “I ate well today” in the same sentence, I know something is off! So, how does journaling and why go together? If you select specific topics to focus on, you can assess yourself each day on how you are progressing towards your goal. If you slip up, the journaling will catch you. If you are doing well, the journal will congratulate you.

Let’s keep with the diet theme. If you want to focus on your food and beverage intake (which I call diet) while journaling each night it could look something like this:

-Write the facts: “I ate an egg and spinach omelet for breakfast. Lunch was a turkey sandwich. Dinner was Mac and Cheese. Sadly I ate a box of Oreos. On the bright side, I controlled my caffeine intake with one cup of coffee.”

-Assess and ask your FIRST why: “Why are you sad about eating a box of Oreos? I was having a bad day after my dog died and I am focused on not drinking caffeine. Usually, I would have had six cups of coffee.”

Now, that is getting somewhere!

-SECOND why: “After my dog died, why did I feel I needed to consume something to make myself feel better? I called three friends and nobody picked up because they were at work.”

-THIRD why: “Why did I call these three people and not somebody who doesn’t work, like mom? I didn’t want to bother her.”

-FOURTH why: “Why don’t you want to bother her? She has called me three times and I have forgotten to give her a call back because I am stressed about work.”

-Fifth why: “Why is returning mom’s phone call easily forgotten? I don’t really know, maybe because she is always there for me and I am embarrassed to call her when I have problems. After all, she raised me and has already dealt with so many of my problems.”

At this point, we can see eating a box of Oreo’s is not the problem, that was just the bandaid we slapped on to sort through our own lies and pains. We should have just called mom, cried a little bit about our dog, written a country song, and been proud we only drank one cup of coffee.

Conclusion

The above example is a bit strange, but you can get the point of how our fixation on a single action usually is not the issue. The issue is usually something deeper that we must address and work on. Asking why takes time, so make sure to allot yourself 10ish minutes to ask these questions. Rushing the why’s is only a disservice to yourself. Be kind to yourself and promote growth. As you discover who you are and what your why (sometimes called a mission statement) you will help improve the world. Keep up the work and stay positive. Most of all, live your dream life!